Chrono Circle is the Game Built For Homer

“[T]the point I’m making is that Chrono Circle is kind of like the Super Decathlon of rhythm videogames, that the President of Andamiro asked his employees to make a new rhythm game, and when one of the slaves asked what the game should be based on, the President shouted back: ‘All of them!'”

Hellblade is Other People

“Nobody has provided me with a good reason that I should be playing Hellblade: Senua’s Sacrifice when it is significantly more satisfying to COMPLAIN about it.”

The Bemani Pro League Is AAAwkward

“And in this moment, we can declare that the Bemani Pro League is a resounding success, a love letter and celebration of a genre that no one plays anymore and that would not have been cutting-edge if it had been released in the nineteenth century, produced by a company that hasn’t cared about the videogame business in over a decade.”

Why Google Stadia Failed

“It may seem unfair to say that Google Stadia has already failed, but the temporal rifts created by the platform have already revealed the future to highly-advanced organisms such as myself and I feel it is necessary to comment on them.”

Toxic Behavior – From Anonymous to Furious

“It’s more that nobody has “designed” anything, really, that the internet is a ramshackle bumfuck of a disaster designed by socially-awkward code monkeys who will be the first to go when we start murdering all of the robots.”

Toxic Behavior – A Primer on Human Nature

“…in order to understand why they are dumb, so that we can understand what ails our cutting-edge videogames, we need a primer on what I imagine actual researchers with actual degrees have to say about evolution and psychology.”