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On June 6, 1944…
Dota is a terrible genre for three reasons. First of all, I am not very good at it. All the Dota players get all the chicks, and this makes me very angry. Taylor Swift came into my room in the middle of the night and whispered into my ear that she wanted me to smell her hair. But when she found out I was not good at Dota, she left. I want to smell her hair so bad and now my dreams are ruined. Secondly,
1. IceFrog is a Butthead
[Make sure to mention that IceFrog beat you in Defense of the Ancients and you are still pissed about this.]
[Claim he called you something very racist? Check Wikipedia to see if this is libel.]
Dota means about as much to me as a festering ball of dog snot! You think I care about the pea-brained yokels of this community? If you took their combined I.Q. and multiplied it by a hundred, you might have enough intelligence to tie your shoe! If you didn’t drool all over yourself first. But there is one good thing about writing to a blog full of mindless sheep. I always know I have them exactly where I want them.
I kind of liked Defense of the Ancients when it first came out and wasn’t very popular. But as it became more popular, I began to realize how much was wrong with
[Dota 2 time played on Steam = 17 minutes. Not good. Remember to idle in main menu!!!]
[Pudge = The fat one???]
2. Why I Am Jealous of Progamers
3. Dota Requires the Least Skill of any Sport
Dota is the soccer of video games
In my opinion, if the best video game players were to step into the Octagon,
In order to demonstrate how unathletic the League of Legends community is, I went on a strict regimen of diet and exercise over the course of four months. Central to my efforts was the bench press, where I lifted 45 pounds three times a day. I was so sore the first time I had done it. I knew I needed to find something which could up my game. That’s why I started eating Gamer Grub™. Gamer Grub™ gave me the boost that I needed in order to become the best video game player there is. After putting on sixty pounds of fat-based muscle, I dominated League of Legends. People asked me, “How did you become so good?” And I told them, “I eat Gamer Grub.™” Thank you, Gamer Grub™, for putting me in the game!
4. Dota vs. RTS
If you are familiar with the literary works of Friedrich Nietzsche, you are aware of his opinions on Defense of the Ancients, and how he contracted syphillis at the 1891 Dota The International.
Remember when Dota ate my goldfish, and then you lied to me and said I never had any goldfish? But why did I have the bowl, Riot? Why did I have the bowl?
[Note: Book length should be at least 1,000 words. Chapters should be 100 words each. GameFAQs will not take you seriously unless you write long, detailed essays!]
Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks Dota sucks
5. The Dota Song
It feels like a perfect night
To make some shitposts
And talk about MOBAs
Uh huh, uh huh
It feels like a perfect night
To complain about Russians
To blame the Drow Ranger,
Uh huh, uh huh
Yeah,
We’re scrubby, noob, terrible, and shit at the same time
It’s miserable and magical.
Oh yeah,
Tonight’s the night we forget about the good games
It’s time
Uh oh!
I don’t know about you
But I’m playing Dota 2
Everything will be alright
If my team stops being noob
You don’t know about me
If we just keep sucking like we’re
Dota 2, ooh-ooh
Dota 2, ooh-ooh
6. Why I Was Beat Up At School
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